China, kingdom of rip-offs. Bootlegged Harry Potter comes in all sorts of guises (often paired with hobbbits) to save the day and make big bucks for the ingenious author.
Some of my favorites from this choice list of eleven:
1) "Harry Potter and the Leopard Walk-Up-To Dragon", an excerpt:
There was a hobbit, who didn't even know how to return home. He lived in a hole in the ground, and didn't know where he came from or where he was going to. He even didn't know why he had become a hobbit. This was Hogwartz School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 5th year apprentice Harry Potter.
...
After Gandolf left, the five of them rode their brooms, travelling with the wind. Trees and cars along the roads below receded. Only when they encountered the occasional passenger jet, the pilot and passengers would cry out, "Hey! Flying people!", or "Hey! Aliens!"
2) "Harry Potter and the Chinese Porcelain Doll." The plot goes something like this:
Voldemort reaches out to his Chinese counterpart and protege, Yandomort, for help fighting Harry. Harry needs to go to China to track down the Chinese Porcelain Doll, which could stop Yandomort. Seems like a stupid anti-evil trinket, but, then again, so was the sorcerer's stone.
As Harry travels to China, he befriends some Chinese circus acrobats who knew Yandomort back when he was a kid -- named (literally translated from Chinese) Naughty Bubble. Turns out Voldemort killed Naughty Bubble's mom, who was named (literally translated from Chinese) Big Spinach, then took the kid under his wing and made him evil.
Can Harry and the Chinese acrobats find the doll in time to stop the 'Morts?
3) "Harry Potter and the Filler of Big." This is creative:
Harry leaves the Dursleys after a rough summer where Dudley was shacking up with a belly dancer. (I think perhaps the author here misinterpreted all of Rowling's comments about Dudley's rotund belly and came to believe that he was in love with a stripper.)
Before he goes, Bat Bug (I'm assuming that's China's interpretation of Dobby) tells him there's trouble waiting at Hogwarts. And there is: All of the students keep transforming into wooden stools. Offffff course they do.
It's up to Harry to solve the mystery and he has but four suspects: An evil student... Hagrid's gone rogue... Voldemort's shadow has returned... or, worst of all, it has something to do with the Filler of Big (aka the Big Funnel).
Wait, what? WHAT EXACTLY IS A BIG FUNNEL?!?!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Our Face
My friend Jill works at a great art gallery (that shall remain nameless in this space, just to be careful) in one of the major art districts here in Beijing, called Caochangdi. Well, it's kind of THE major art district--as the other is much more developed and tourist-a-fied. Caochangdi lies at the outskirts of Beijing and is actually a communist-era village, with artists' studios and galleries interspersed into a working-class community. The area used to be agricultural but has since been absorbed into the ever-expanding giant that is the capital city.
Recently, Caochangdi put on a major photography festival, Caochangdi PhotoSpring, in conjunction with Arles photo festival. The festival gathered artists from Asia, America, and Europe, and is showing their work through June. Some of the work, particularly that by Chinese artists, can be quite inflammatory and politically sensitive, definitely pushing the envelope culturally. The government always worries about subversive types and activists, who are especially dangerous when they congregate in GROUPS. Thus something like a FESTIVAL which allows many subversives to GATHER TOGETHER and to FORM NETWORKS, not to mention DISCUSS SENSITIVE TOPICS and DISPLAY SENSITIVE IMAGES as a way to DISSEMINATE REVOLUTIONARY IDEAS, is quite threatening.
Therefore, the government had a few things to say about the festival, and did a number of not-so-subtle things to attempt to delay or mar the exhibition, including sending police to threaten some of the gallery owners, delaying or denying the necessary permits and paperwork, refusing to allow overseas artwork (particularly from Japan--mortal enemy No. 1) to enter the country for the festival, and threatening to demolish sections (or even all) of the village of Caochangdi after the festival concludes.
This last is particularly worrisome as many of these artists and galleries have invested a lifetime's worth of savings into the spaces that they have developed in this wonderful, creative village of Caochangdi. If the village is ripped down as a political statement/warning to those who are outspoken, or to make way for new development as part of the government's urban planning efforts, Beijing will lose a vital piece of its contemporary culture and social voice, at least temporarily.*
Anyway, overall, the photo festival was really neat. If you are in Beijing, check it out! One particularly interesting artist who has work on exhibit there is Ken Kitano, a Japanese photographer who is exhibiting a project called Our Face. He's traveled around the world taking pictures of individuals who all belong to a similar group (race, class, profession, etc). Then, he layers the negatives one on top of another, until dozens, even hundreds, of peoples' faces lie one over the other. The effect is remarkably cohesive and striking, while also ghostlike and ethereal. I never would have guessed that we all look so much the same! It's cool-check it out!
*If you are interested in helping to protect Caochangdi by signing a petition against demolition, email me.
Recently, Caochangdi put on a major photography festival, Caochangdi PhotoSpring, in conjunction with Arles photo festival. The festival gathered artists from Asia, America, and Europe, and is showing their work through June. Some of the work, particularly that by Chinese artists, can be quite inflammatory and politically sensitive, definitely pushing the envelope culturally. The government always worries about subversive types and activists, who are especially dangerous when they congregate in GROUPS. Thus something like a FESTIVAL which allows many subversives to GATHER TOGETHER and to FORM NETWORKS, not to mention DISCUSS SENSITIVE TOPICS and DISPLAY SENSITIVE IMAGES as a way to DISSEMINATE REVOLUTIONARY IDEAS, is quite threatening.
Therefore, the government had a few things to say about the festival, and did a number of not-so-subtle things to attempt to delay or mar the exhibition, including sending police to threaten some of the gallery owners, delaying or denying the necessary permits and paperwork, refusing to allow overseas artwork (particularly from Japan--mortal enemy No. 1) to enter the country for the festival, and threatening to demolish sections (or even all) of the village of Caochangdi after the festival concludes.
This last is particularly worrisome as many of these artists and galleries have invested a lifetime's worth of savings into the spaces that they have developed in this wonderful, creative village of Caochangdi. If the village is ripped down as a political statement/warning to those who are outspoken, or to make way for new development as part of the government's urban planning efforts, Beijing will lose a vital piece of its contemporary culture and social voice, at least temporarily.*
Anyway, overall, the photo festival was really neat. If you are in Beijing, check it out! One particularly interesting artist who has work on exhibit there is Ken Kitano, a Japanese photographer who is exhibiting a project called Our Face. He's traveled around the world taking pictures of individuals who all belong to a similar group (race, class, profession, etc). Then, he layers the negatives one on top of another, until dozens, even hundreds, of peoples' faces lie one over the other. The effect is remarkably cohesive and striking, while also ghostlike and ethereal. I never would have guessed that we all look so much the same! It's cool-check it out!
*If you are interested in helping to protect Caochangdi by signing a petition against demolition, email me.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Chinglish
It never stops being funny. I mean, I guarantee this is how I sound every day when I speak Chinese, so I don't feel too bad about having a couple laughs over somebody's mangled English vocab and usage.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Shrieking Eels
Think crazy shit happens when you drink with your friends? I guarantee it's not this out of control. Scope it...if you're ready to be HORRIFIED.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
NYT article: I was hacked in BJ
Concerned about your internet security in China? I'd always kind of brushed it off before--what would they want with me? I don't have anything interesting or provoking to say anyway--but maybe we should all give it another thought. Especially if you ARE saying something provocative.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Camping on the Great Wall
Outside of Beijing, there are a number of easily-accessible sections of the Great Wall that are un-restored. Technically, you're not supposed to go on them, I guess, but plenty of people are interested in climbing around up there seeing what it's like. On the weekend we went, it was downright crowded--mostly with Chinese hikers, decked out in brand-new "gear," although a fair number of foreigners too.
The section we went to was near a town called Jiankou, and it's apparently one of the more dilapidated sections. Large portions of it--especially steep stairways or sections built on narrow ridges--were crumbling away entirely, making for some dangerous scrambling and imminent risk of rock-slides.
We took a bus to the village of Jiankou in the evening and hiked up to the wall (about an hour's hike uphill) to find a place to sleep before the sun went down. We knew it would be cold, and we only had one sleeping bag and two fleece "blankets" between the two of us, but we figured we'd be ok. We wanted to find an old guard house or watch tower to sleep in to get out of the wind. When we got up there, it was a little creepy--the wall is falling apart, especially the guard towers, and there were great black ravens wheeling about in the sky, flocking around the old, ruined towers and crying out ominously. We hiked for 45 mins away from some other groups of campers then settled in to a small tower to have dinner and spend the night. As soon as it got dark, two things happened: it got COLD, and it got SCARY.
More details on the adventure in the pictures.
The next day we hiked for 8 hours or so then scrambled down the hillside to a village mid-afternoon and found a bus back to BJ.
The section we went to was near a town called Jiankou, and it's apparently one of the more dilapidated sections. Large portions of it--especially steep stairways or sections built on narrow ridges--were crumbling away entirely, making for some dangerous scrambling and imminent risk of rock-slides.
We took a bus to the village of Jiankou in the evening and hiked up to the wall (about an hour's hike uphill) to find a place to sleep before the sun went down. We knew it would be cold, and we only had one sleeping bag and two fleece "blankets" between the two of us, but we figured we'd be ok. We wanted to find an old guard house or watch tower to sleep in to get out of the wind. When we got up there, it was a little creepy--the wall is falling apart, especially the guard towers, and there were great black ravens wheeling about in the sky, flocking around the old, ruined towers and crying out ominously. We hiked for 45 mins away from some other groups of campers then settled in to a small tower to have dinner and spend the night. As soon as it got dark, two things happened: it got COLD, and it got SCARY.
More details on the adventure in the pictures.
The next day we hiked for 8 hours or so then scrambled down the hillside to a village mid-afternoon and found a bus back to BJ.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
weekend "countryside" adventure
Last weekend Ali and I decided to "get out of the city" and take the subway as far as we could in any direction. We chose the southeast corner of the city and rode Line 1 as far as it goes eastwards, out to where nobody lives. And by nobody, I mean actually a lot of people live there, and the area is under rapid development, but it wasn't QUITE so urban as Beijing proper.We were hoping, misguidedly, for a bit of a "rural" feel, but what we got was less that and more of a barren wasteland feel. There were a number of old factories out there, still chugging away and pumping out noxious fumes, as well as some clusters of village-style homes. However, most of the area was either occupied by very-recently built high-rises, or by vast tracts of dirt where construction of more high-rises was underway. In general it was pretty polluted, especially the water, and overall seemed pretty grim. We just wandered around for a few hours, ate a pineapple, got shouted HELLO at a bunch, then got the train back to the city.
This weekend we're planning to go a bit further afield, and are heading out to hike and camp on unrestored sections of the Great Wall.
Heading home
On the wrong side of the tracks, apparently
Building apartments....more new apartments in the background...no people in sight....real estate bubble, anyone?
and even MORE....
People fishing in the most grimy, scummy, sludgy green pool of filth that has ever been called a pond and harbored fish. Fishing at the edge of a construction site in a toxic puddle wouldn't be my idea of a good time or an appetizing meal later on should you be successful. Environmental Education = necessary, please.
This weekend we're planning to go a bit further afield, and are heading out to hike and camp on unrestored sections of the Great Wall.
Heading home
On the wrong side of the tracks, apparently
Building apartments....more new apartments in the background...no people in sight....real estate bubble, anyone?
and even MORE....
People fishing in the most grimy, scummy, sludgy green pool of filth that has ever been called a pond and harbored fish. Fishing at the edge of a construction site in a toxic puddle wouldn't be my idea of a good time or an appetizing meal later on should you be successful. Environmental Education = necessary, please.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Cellphone Etiquette
A cool thing about China is that cellphones are ubiquitous, but no real concept of cellphone etiquette has developed along with the advent and rapid popularization of the technology. For instance, it is perfectly acceptable to pull out one's cellphone and answer a call during a business meeting. Moreover, Chinese people tend to shout when talking on their cellphones (you're far away form the person you're speaking with! must ensure they can hear you!), so it's not unusual to be in a meeting, conference, restaurant, coffee shop, or public space and have the guy next to you shouting ANNOYINGLY about some really mundane topic. Really, dude, really? Do you REALLY think the rest of us want to listen to what you have to say? You couldn't screen the call? You couldn't call him back? You couldn't take the call outside?
My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, though, hands down, is the use of cellphones in restrooms. I can't tell you how many times I've come into a public bathroom and there's a girl in a stall, on the toilet, having a LENGTHY conversation with a friend. I cant think of a MORE uncomfortable place to have a phone conversation! Public bathrooms are GROSS; normally the aim is to get in and get out as fast as humanly possible. And it's not like these girls are on the toilet, get an important call, answer it and are like, I'll call you right back. No, they take their time--relaxing, chatting, laughing, etc. UM do you NOT think the caller MIGHT be uncomfortable if s/he knew you were sitting on the CAN?
My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, though, hands down, is the use of cellphones in restrooms. I can't tell you how many times I've come into a public bathroom and there's a girl in a stall, on the toilet, having a LENGTHY conversation with a friend. I cant think of a MORE uncomfortable place to have a phone conversation! Public bathrooms are GROSS; normally the aim is to get in and get out as fast as humanly possible. And it's not like these girls are on the toilet, get an important call, answer it and are like, I'll call you right back. No, they take their time--relaxing, chatting, laughing, etc. UM do you NOT think the caller MIGHT be uncomfortable if s/he knew you were sitting on the CAN?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Confessions of a Pick-Up Artist
If you attend Master Pickup Artist RedpoleQ's "Approach Mastery Boot Camp" and learn to utilize his Five Phase Cycle, you too can have "success" on your first date 80% of the time. "Once you’re adept at using the system, you can pick up a girl in four or five hours. If I meet a girl during the day and get four phases -- about thirty minutes -- in, I close four out of five times."
According to him, "women are pretty good at being women, and that when men learn how to be men then most problems would be eliminated. Obviously, this isn't entirely true, but since men are responsible for leading the relationship I think its best to focus on them." As for girls, "do your best to look your best. I know it's tough and it's unfair, but you never know when you're going to meet "that guy," so be ready."
awesome. good to know that's what's important in life.
According to him, "women are pretty good at being women, and that when men learn how to be men then most problems would be eliminated. Obviously, this isn't entirely true, but since men are responsible for leading the relationship I think its best to focus on them." As for girls, "do your best to look your best. I know it's tough and it's unfair, but you never know when you're going to meet "that guy," so be ready."
awesome. good to know that's what's important in life.
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